byebye....I'm sorry Saloma I'm really sorry.

Its here. A new Beginning

I'm controling YOU ??!?!?!?? I'm controling YOU? What about the Medicine?
you're leaving.. what else can i do.. to make you stay?

I'm not controling you.. I'm not.. I just want you to stay....here.... with me..

You're all I've got...
I was destined to be the best. But i can get tired too. Am i allowed to rest? I can't walk, I can only run.


I can't breathe....

Its coming.... A new beginning....

I want to breathe...

I don't care, I've tried working I've tried enduring I've tried the pills I've tried socializing I've tried reaching out to the center.

But nothing is working.

I've nothing to do. Saloma is busy. My parents are busy. Bapak is busy. My friends are busy. The people outside are also busy. Everyone is busy

Everyone is so busy. I won't get in their way.

Boom.... Bye I'll miss you... Saloma..

-Vinod-

She went to the police station. They are still looking for the robber, maybe he is still going round bullying people like us. Is it fun? Maybe i should try it too.

Saloma said that she wanted to be a nurse, who will faint first? The person receiving the injection or the person giving it? She wants to help others but she can't she is a mental patient, how can she help others? When that "others" don't even want to go near her. She is Off Center.

she promised to be there for me and I promised that I will be there for her but now she won't even be there for me to keep my promise. She told me she wants to stay away. She was just like an introvert. But now she says its wrong?

I told her she can't and she doesn't have the ability to do all this....does she?

Why do I feel jealous? or is it anger? or is it a sense of betrayal? I should be happy for her...shouldn't I?

I prayed...I prayed everyday every minute every second and I prayed till I couldn't decieve myself anymore...

nobody is going to come.

why is it always other people? What about us? Aren't we humans too?

-Vinod-

Yes I'm fine, thank you

I'm always fine.

Its so quiet...

Yet why do i find it so noisy?

The silence is deafening.

Should I go? Should I go against even myself?

They think that I'm taking advantage of their patience.

what about mine? Its running out soon?

I've been asked to take pills.

Think they sell patience in pill form too?

-Vinod-

Yesterday i had the weirdest dream. Was it a dream? It should be ha ha. I dreamt of a woman, she was in a surgeon's outfit. it was weird and she said her name was Emily. Emily.. Gan? Yeah, she said something about giving birth to a baby and she said God spoke to her! I wonder if its true. she also said that i was beautiful ha ha she must be blind.

She told me to use the robbery to move.. to do.

She said we are Special, how do they need us when they don't understand us when we too may not understand them?

She also brought me to Saloma's room, it was so neat. She said she didn't know why she brought me there and neither do I. Ha ha maybe I'll know when I die or maybe when Neil Armstrong makes the moon his home.

I also asked Emily where do we go when we die, i've always want to know if there was heaven and hell or do we just disappear and... well.... die?

She told me that to live is to give with no strings attached

Sympathies not with myself but with others...others who are "blind"

She also said that we must accept what life offers, but we must also take control of its course

Datta, Dayadhvam and Damyata.

Give, Sympathies and Control.

Can we really forget how to use our heart?

-Vinod-

so many things are happening... why do they only target us? Are we really that easy to bully? Am i really i coward?



Today I let Saloma down, i couldn't protect her. She is the lost kitten that I was suppose to protect and yet i failed. I couldn't control myself and the nightmares just rushed into my head. it wouldn't stop repeating itself. No matter how hard i tried, they just kept on coming. My past.





-Vinod-